Template for Aspiring Rally Specialists

Sep. 28, 2017

(Note: fill in the brackets and consider the parenthetical notes, such as this. This template is just a recommendation, thus democratic and not dogmatic.) I approve of the rally held last [date here] by activists (note: do not identify the group that organized the rally so non-aligned individuals cannot tell the difference and lump all activists in one category, as if homogenous), but I also suggest that they mobilize for causes and issues I find relevant. Slogans should be:

DOWN WITH CHINESE AND RUSSIAN IMPERIALISM, OUST THE CHINA-DUTERTE REGIME, JUSTICE FOR VICTIMS OF DRUG ADDICTS, WAGE INCREASE FOR BEST POLICEMEN AND SOLDIERS FIGHTING FOR THE NATION, FREE [NAME OF YOUR CLIENT HERE], JAIL [NAME OF YOUR CROSS-HAIRED TARGET HERE, AS INSTRUCTED BY CLIENT], among others. (Note: feel free to add witty calls).

​Also, why is there no effigy of [name of your target here, as instructed by client]? S/he is [justification here]. Next time I would like to see his/her effigy burnt. If you happen to pull this off, please send me a video and I will mention you and say hi through my journal and column articles, both have high impact and influence. (Note: you may elaborate this post by listing all your recent selected credentials and publications).

Moreover, please clean up before you leave next time. Sa ikauunlad ng bayan, disiplina ang kailangan (For the development of the country, discipline is necessary). My students passed by the designated area of mobilization. They took pictures and the photos I received deserve to be included in a brochure that markets tourism in Payatas and other slum areas. My students remain the best photographers and caption writers, they depict the aftermath of the rally so vividly that I do not have to go to such activities myself. And, I am convinced that activists shall learn sanitation and cleanliness, because it is next to godliness.

​Speaking of proper decorum, do refrain from shouting at, and taunting, our police officers, soldiers, snipers, SWAT members and other special forces present during the mobilization. They are just doing their jobs, protecting you from guerillas who could have breached security checkpoints from the northernmost and southernmost part of the archipelago, up to the capital. Remember that NPAs of the reds and mercenaries of the yellows might provoke the crowd and/or the police in their respective attempts to destabilize Tatay Digong. Since the PNP and the AFP gather intelligence reports from Facebook, people who pride themselves as good citizens may help our valiant guardians of democracy spy on activities of the rebels and the yellow quasi-opposition, so as to preempt evil.

​Prior the activity, rallyists shall campaign against fake news and mainstream media attacking our dear President. Combatting mis- and dis-information shall translate to truth. Also, after the activity, you may want to organize a rally against electoral fraud. (Note: in this part you may further expound why your client deserved the position and how the political opponent cheated his/her way from the bottom to the top. Emphasize how clean elections are symptoms of a healthy democracy, which has been tainted by the political opponent.)

​Just like the alleged victory of [name of political opponent here], I also find the sight of children in political activities such as mobilizations problematic. Sons and daughters should be in school, studying about being a good Filipino—not complaining alongside their parents in a rally. If their schools are being bombed, they should find other schools. If soldiers camp in their playgrounds, then they should feel safe. If they are too young for school, then they should be left at home, with the kasambahay (note: use this politically correct term for “nanny” for empathy’s sake) that their parents should be paying for.

​Lastly, rallyists should just be themselves. What I mean is, they should not wear indigenous costumes or marginalized sector cosplays. Clothing hails from cultural traditions and histories, thus they are holy and sacred. The warrior culture of ethnolinguistic groups belong to their glorious historical pasts and not in the present. The oppressed classes are oppressed no more, since we have Facebook and Starbucks and internet. Today, conflicts can be resolved through written agreements, thus the titling of ancestral domains that designates boundaries for tribal groups and the contractualization of workers that gives them freedom to choose the next job they want to try and explore. The same can be said with other sectors. Neoliberal education and other forms of technical wisdom can save us from poverty and can make our lives better.

Having said that, let us educate ourselves. Let me educate you. If you want to know about indirect complicity and apologies, among other matters, you may ask me. Groups may consult me during designated consultation hours on weekdays for free, I reserve weekends for clients. See, I am neutral and fair. I serve the people and special people as well. I am duty-bound to do so, even if such is against my personal convictions. This is service. This is democracy that some left-leaning groups despise. Beware of them and secure your children’s future. Ask me how.

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