DAVAO CITY, Philippines – Jaydee, a 22-year-old drag queen, balances the roles of breadwinner and performer, and sleepless nights paired with constant smiles define her life. Her daily struggles extend beyond the physical demands of her work; she also faces public scrutiny.
Jaydee’s experience is not unique; many members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, asexual (LGBTQIA+) community face discrimination while providing for their families.
As she walks home in the early hours of the morning, adorned in long wigs and heavy makeup, Jaydee contends with the cold breeze and her neighbors’ judgmental gazes. However, it is not the opinions of others that trouble her most, but rather the pressing concern of putting food on the table.
“I try to do everything, take on different jobs, just so I can bring something home to my family. As a breadwinner, I have to strive,” she said, encapsulating the reality that many in the community face: the paramount responsibility of sustaining loved ones.
Among them is Temme, a trans woman who chose to prioritize her family’s needs over her education.
“I prioritized being a beauty queen because back then, I would have had to cut my hair if I went to college. So, I didn’t, and instead decided to make money,” Temme explained, emphasizing the importance of her siblings’ well-being, even at the cost of her own education.
The journey of becoming a breadwinner is fraught with challenges, especially when faced with societal branding. Despite pushback, many members of the LGBTQIA+ community have come to accept these labels. “Whether you like it or not, discrimination is there,” said Elvir Empasis, president of the Panacan LGBTQ+ Society (PLGBTS).
One of the most significant dilemmas these individuals face is whether to prioritize self-expression or their financial responsibilities. This question plagues many members of the community.
For Elvir, sacrificing his identity for his career was a necessary choice. “I had to choose my career over being LGBT because it’s what keeps my family alive,” he said, shedding light on the harsh realities of working in the Business Process Outsourcing (BPO) industry. Although some companies welcome applicants from the queer community, biases often favor cisgender candidates.
“Sometimes, being part of the LGBT community in the workplace leads to being seen as weak or a burden to society,” Elvir added.
The experience is further compounded by societal pressure, as members of the LGBTQIA+ community are often viewed as inferior while being urged to excel. Jimson, another breadwinner, sought to acquire various skills to support her family. She stated, “It is better to learn more than nothing. It’s better to try all kinds of jobs.”
The harshest judgments often come from those closest to them, creating a cycle of proving worthiness. “You have to be successful; otherwise, you don’t belong here,” Temme said.
Elvir echoed this sentiment, expressing sadness over his parents’ lack of pride in him despite his achievements. Bonnie, a gay breadwinner and member of Lasang’s LGBTQ+ group (LOL), shared a similar experience when he came out to his family. They had no choice but to accept him because he had become their primary provider.
“People always think gays are only after money and are immoral, but that’s not true,” he lamented, emphasizing that such misconceptions force many queer individuals to work even harder.
Where Their Pride Lies
Despite facing discrimination and the weight of responsibilities, there is an unspoken expectation for them to maintain a cheerful façade.
“In reality, it’s difficult. Being LGBT means you’re expected to always be strong, but sometimes you feel sad and hurt,” Elvir explained.
These challenges do not define them. Rather, their desire to uplift their families does. Jaydee, for example, would willingly take on carpentry work, and external judgment pales in comparison to her priorities. “The important thing is that I make money. I can feed my family,” she said.
Elvir’s dreams are simple yet profound. “My dream now is to provide for my family’s daily needs and wants. I hope it continues steadily, and that I stay healthy so I can keep providing for them.”
Meanwhile, Temme’s hard work and sacrifices have begun to pay off. She proudly watched her siblings graduate from college, and one achieved Latin honors. “I am the breadwinner. Maybe I didn’t go to college, but in a way, I graduated cum laude too.”
“No matter what happens, whether it’s discrimination or criticism, gays always keep fighting,” Bonnie said. (davaotoday.com)
