No matter how hard we convince ourselves that we are truly sorry, a word or deed done in anger can never be undone.

It’s difficult not to be affected by a “war” waged thousands of miles away while we are into ours, though silently, where seemingly unknown to many, unarmed citizens are being thrown into a “war” not of their own making. One cannot close one’s eyes, ears, and mind when one has become a “victim” of sorts.

As I struggle each day to reclaim my lost equilibrium, I sometimes come to a point when I would feel weary at the effort. Each step seems so heavy, as though carrying a truckload of muck on my shoulders. The invisible load really is heavier.

But each time I think of the thousands who have become “collateral damage” of the military madness and power trip of the oligarchy and those at the helm of government, so-called national leaders who have become tyrants to the people they are mandated to serve, I would chide myself for being weak.

They say a traumatic experience just don’t go away like that after we sleep and wake up again in the morning. It doesn’t work like that. That’s why I empathize with the families of victims’ among the passengers of the Ukrainian jet and every innocent civilian who have been “mistakenly” targeted by warring groups who only have killing in their minds.

Nowadays, the misnomer “mistaken identity” has become an easy excuse especially by those who feign innocence of their dastardly acts. Consciously, these people know deep in their hearts that what they are doing or about to do are/is wrong, and yet knowingly, they go ahead and commit the crime. For what? There’s no doubt, for and in consideration of the “thirty pieces of silver” that they stand to gain.

In short, they sell their souls to the devil just to gain worldly, material satisfaction, as if it can last them even a few days or years perhaps.

I often wonder why it becomes hard for leaders to listen to their people’s cries and protestations when they have become intoxicated with so much power. Nothing seems to bother their sleep in the night even when they know that their actions are hurting so many of their people.

I may be wrong, of course, but with potent drugs that keeps the body functioning, a person’s decision-making and integrity would certainly be affected or compromised. But then again, the Filipinos have seen the worst of the current administration’s inhumane policies that brought the people more harm than good.

Or maybe the worst is yet to come, God forbid.

Still, I am someone who believes that there is good in every person, and that God hears prayers and acts on them. I should know, having been `miraculously’ scooped out of “the belly of the beast” some time ago. Ironically, while I was being held against my will, I was given a glimmer of a chance to really see how “those” people work.

It seemed like they just follow orders without even giving thought to these orders. They grab people almost unthinkingly, just so that they could have a “warm” body to present to their superiors, so that they can collect whatever reward there may be. But then, what does one expect from the innards of beasts? Nothing but parasites, with all the gunk that accumulate in them as they suck in victims.

I know some friends would probably raise their eyebrows on this thought, but then, everything that happens for a purpose. I am not here and now because I only will it. My existence is predestined, and I have a purpose why I am here.

It may be debatable, but my lived experiences have given me enough reason to believe this is so. I must add, though, that God’s work in people comes when we are connected, such that, it makes us move whenever one of us is in danger. It’s people’s unity galvanized by a common aspiration for freedom, peace and justice that would really determine our destiny in this world. (

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